The Lost Mojo

I used to open a blank page and feel... weirdly motivated to write something. But somewhere in the past few years, that changed.

Maybe life got busier. Maybe my brain got noisier. Maybe I got too comfortable storing ideas in my brain’s very disorganized “I’ll write this someday” folder. Or maybe it’s the weird pressure of wanting every post to be good instead of just letting it exist like I used to.

I’ll sit down, open a new blank page, write a few sentences, and then suddenly my brain decides it has absolutely nothing interesting to say. It’s like my blogging mojo packed its bags, left a short “brb” note, and never came back.

The urge to write is still there somewhere, I swear. Ironically, writing this post is probably the most I’ve written in a while and it’s literally about not being able to write.

Maybe getting the mojo back isn’t about waiting for inspiration to magically show up again. Maybe it’s about writing anyway even if the topic is “I have no idea what I’m doing right now.”

So if you’re reading this and the post feels a little messy, a little random, and a little unfinished… good. That means I’m at least trying again.

And who knows, maybe this is the start of finding my way back.

Oh, and I made a playlist btw!!!!

#StickerConMNL2022

Sunday is usually reserved for doing the house chores left from the day before but, this time I had the sudden urge to attend a sticker conference! Since this is the first event I'll be attending in who knows how long, I got a little excited—more like elated.

I've been seeing this sticker conference all over my timeline 

These are some of the stickers I got and the name of the artists + their social media accounts just incase you're interested! 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/plcreates

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/plcreates

Instagram: 

Facebook:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/afterthursdays

Shopee: https://shopee.ph/afterthursdays

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/howlersupply

Shopee: https://shopee.ph/howler_supply

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/electromilk

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/allyrocero

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/allyrcr

Twitter: https://twitter.com/allyrocero

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freelyabrigo

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/freely.abrigo

Here's me talking or in this case writing

The first three months of 2018 came by fast. It's scary to even think that I'm almost done with college. I am officially counting down the days until graduation and I'm waiting for my mind to sink in the fact that this is it, is it?? I'll be receiving my cap and gown tomorrow, next week is graduation and after that I am officially on the road to becoming (PH's next top slacker. KIDDING) an adult. Waiting for everything to be finalized before graduation day is a pain in the ass because I'm at home all the time chilling. It's like being there is pressuring me enough to think whether I should start applying for jobs soon —that's another cherry on top! 

What do I really want to do? Up until now I am still clueless and torn between the things that I want in life. It's like sometimes I know what I want to do but then I'll question it and I'd end up not knowing again. When you graduate college does it mean that you should know what you want to pursue by then? Because if the answer to that is yes, then I really need to do a comprehensive recap of what the heck I've been doing my whole life, not thinking things through about this part of my life with regards to my future and wow I must really suck at life.

It excites me when I travel and then I get to write about it. I also like to make travel vlogs and share it with my audience but, my travels are only minimal. I want to try new things and experiment with my skills. Try to learn stuff without needing any help from others. I guess what I'm trying to do here is jot down the things I want to do after college and still be clueless on what is it I really I want. Can you guess? Can you suggest any ideas from what I have written in here?

I think I just confused both you and I. Nevertheless, I am posting this without editing anything out. Peace out from the south.

from the south

October 13 the day the heavens above decided to let the heavy rain fall in Manila. Unfortunately I got stranded and was not able to go home. Drenched by the sudden rainfall I stayed over my grandmothers house without a spare of clothing with me. October 14 I filmed my way back home. TBH, I enjoyed filming this.

twenty

Hello, I just turned twenty and I think I'm loving it.

Honestly I am so ready to move forward and love what life has to offer. Cheers to being twenty! 

HOW DO BLOGGERS DO THIS SHIT? // SENIOR YEAR (INTERNSHIP)

How do bloggers do this shit? I mean, I have been doing this blogging thing since year 2013 and never have I been consistent with posting. I can’t even remember why I started one (lowkey ~pabibo~ much?). Nevertheless I’ve been a fan of bloggers namely Camie Juan, Cielo Fernando, Jeline Catt, Renee Deguzman, Nicole Cord-Cruz, ETC. Their blogs are heaven. I don’t know how they do it, but damn am I a huge fan. Pursuing that kind of line is torture (well duh). Owing to the fact that first, you are going to be judged on how good you write or in general the content of your blog. I mean who likes to read nonsense right? Second, the photos you take. Let’s be real, people often give more attention to it than the content itself. Sorry to break it to you (and myself) but you ‘gotta have the skillz’ to be like one of them...

Nah I’m just kidding just be yourself and don’t listen to what others say because boo, life is all about you doing you. “It’s never too late to be what you might have been” -Anon

STORY TIME

DISCLAIMER: Some vulgarity. 

Before anything else, I know that I am not in the right place to complain anything about life because obviously there are thousands of people having a hard time with theirs and they are doing their best to survive living with it. I just can’t help not to rant/complain about mine, it’s eating me alive and I want to just release the pressure and stress in me. 

This is from a perspective of a challenged student who has a problem with everything (except for food).

My college experience so far summed up in two sentences would be “I am freaking done. I want to graduate now.” I still have a year left before I graduate so let’s not get ahead of ourselves and start congratulating me since I effin’ survived my past three (torturous) school years of college. Regardless of all the shit that has happened, I know to myself that I am not ready yet to face the real world, A.K.A adulthood (a.k.a the heavy stuff). Let’s be real, adulthood is full of surprises. There’s a fifty percent chance that it’s bad, good (or just tolerable). 

I feel like shit because I literally want to fast forward the incoming academic year and graduate already, but I am hands down not ready to deal with the responsibility (though I know that I can't just ditch it if I want to have a good life) Damn, I am such a bizarre fuck. But do you get what I’m trying to say here? 

And there’s the other reason why I want to fast forward the incoming academic year. Our university calendar is pure a-s-s. I really can’t put into words what I’m feeling right now but shit the major change that had happened made everything fucking complicated for me and some other students. Why didn’t they gave us a one month notice about it? Instead they gave out the announcement fucking three weeks before classes start. Yes, our classes will start in June. Now all the seniors, including me, will strive to send out applications for our internship before school starts. I am beyond desperate to make our classes start in August though I know that it is impossible because they might have already posted the academic year’s calendar for 2017-2018 when I publish this. All I need to do is cry it all out because my life has been challenged once again. 

Other than that I guess something great happened this month for me, we have finally moved houses. Praise the Lord hallelujah. Apparently our new house is hours away from university –so that’s a hassle. I haven’t adapted yet to the new commute so let’s wait and see. I bet I’ll be freaking late to class, but the thing is I am never late. Legit for the past three years I’ve been one of the students who comes half an hour early for class. Well my house back then was only forty-five minutes away so that’s the reason why I’m always early. I don’t even care anymore about the travel time, I’m just super glad we finally moved away (from the urban life). Makati girl no more. It’s time for me to embrace a new environment. 

I got hired to a part-time job I applied when summer started but, never got the chance to actually do the job because we were handling a lot since we've moved. It was okay though because at least I experienced what it’s like to apply for a job –that took fifteen hours to process. Now I know how hard it is to apply for a job. Hello life after graduation, are you happy. 

Realization time. Life will never stop from giving you challenges because that will determine your path in life. All you need to do is learn to adjust and work your ass off to get over it. That’s what I should be doing. Wow something good actually came out of this post. Being scared will only make you weaker than you are now, Shauna. Stop doubting yourself and live the life your momma gave you girl. I am literally talking to myself now. Nice. 

ANYWAY, I’m loving Khalid’s American Teen album right now!! My favorites are on replay. Also Lany is giving me the chills, ILYSB and Like you lot’s, oh my, smother me with love please. 

Leaving you with all of these.

P.S I’m coming back soon. 

P.P.S Sorry if I complain a lot. 

19 Things I've Learned In 19 Years

Since I turned 19 last month I thought it would be nice to reflect on the past nineteen years of my life. It was one hell of a ride, here are 19 things I've learned in 19 years :)

1. It's okay to be alone. You don't have to be with your friends or be in a relationship. It's okay to enjoy your own company.

2. Always remember to DO YOU! What makes you happy is what matters. Don't let what other people say get to you.

3. You have to hit rock bottom in order to get back up and start climbing again.

4. Surround yourself with studious people. I can't believe I'm saying this, but studying is fun, when you're with the right people.  

5. Stop trying to fix people. It's better not to get involved. It's not selfish, it's what's best for you.

6. Love your worst days. Just remember that even your worst days only have twenty-four hours. By the time you get over it you will just be laughing at the memory of it.

7. Save money.

8. No Guts, No Glory. Trust your instincts. Don't be afraid of failure. It's how we learn. So go out and try something new.

9. Believe, have faith, be hopeful. Believe and have faith in what you do. Be hopeful because there is always hope.

10. Praying helps. It doesn't matter what religion you are in. Just pray and give thanks for all the blessings.

11. You are never wrong to do the right thing.

12. You were given this life because you are strong enough to handle it.

13. Mom is always right. 

14. Some days it seems like nothing goes right. Accept the fact that life is sometimes unfair.

15. Everything is a lesson learned so keep moving forward. 

16. What you feeling right now is not permanent.

17. Unplanned escapades are the best. Let the current pull you along. 

18. Avoid insecurity. We all know that insecurity is a poisonous bitch. It will ruin you and suck the life out of you. It is so much better to remove it from your life and be thankful for what you have. 

19. Don't be such a Debbie Downer. Don't be that person who destroys the positive atmosphere. 

LIFE UPDATE

College has been so bad lately. I am constantly suffocated with work and I am stressing over all my classes meaning, I am never one bit inspired to write (even if I did have the time).

The struggle is real. It's like I've been wide awake for a year reviewing for exams, preparing reports, and writing essays. Coffee is literally running through my veins. It's no fun at all right now and it really pains me to see myself so worked up with coursework's. I know grades don't define you but damn do they make you sad. I just wish our term break could come soon!

SHAUNA X VERONICA

Growing up, we were total opposites. We would always argue and treat each other like shit. We never shared anything. Not until the day our life changed, the day we became closer. There's no doubt that until now we still do the things that make us hate each other ––because that's how we roll. And yet we still manage to have fun and make ourselves afloat even in worst days. 

 Attached below are the two poems that clearly describes me and my sister. 

♡ CURRENT FAVORITES ♡

No shit I tried to record myself in front of the camera to do a "current favorites" thing video bloggers do on Youtube and it turned out horrendous. Since I'm god-awful at making video blogs I'll just write it down instead!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING SHAUNA?

Made myself sit down and (attempt) to get shit done today. And by that, I mean create the most efficient way to do several things at the same time —I've done this before, but this time it's different because it's all coming at me like a freaking cannonball and I've been idle for the past days (oh christmas break why end so soon?) 

Scratch all of that and let me talk about something else. 

SOUNDS LIVE FEELS LIVE 2k16 TOUR

I don't remember posting about this in my previous blog posts so here it goes. Crap! In less than two months my favorite band's concert is finally going to befall. I swear to God every time I check my countdown app I start hyperventilating. Yeah, it's pathetic, but heck I feel so emotional about it. 57 more days to go! I will be attending it with Ally (omg feels) and were seat mates. Holy crap. I can already imagine what's going to happen when they play Disconnected I want to cry.

T.V PRODUCTION FINAL PROJECT

I can't put into words what I'm feeling right now because I'm that damn excited!!! Okay, so our professor in this subject is REALLY cool. The final project she gave us for this semester is a freaking travel show. Hello exciting much??? What's great about it is she let us group with our "squad" (yes she literally said squad). She also gave the destinations we should only go to —Bataan, Batangas, NCR, Zambales. 

Guess where our squad is going? Bataan!

Our plan for the (thrilling) expedition is not yet legit since we just barely started on research about the place and we're still bickering on some stuff, but like its planned we should have our itinerary by next week. Gosh, I feel so worked out because of excitement.

What's with the hiatus? Again. 

There's nothing to blog about. As you can see, I have reverted my previous blog posts into drafts —I don't have a legit reason why. School works dragged me all the way down (nothing new). I finally filled up the last pages of my red journal November last year and bought a new one (it's brown one lol). Writing my heart out in my new journal is what's keeping out from blogging actually and my same old lazy ass self. 

THOUGHTS ABOUT...

1. Thoughts about my schedule this second semester

Hmmm I’m very furious with my schedule this semester. Since we’re still in our adjustment period and we haven’t met all of our professors yet I’m still hoping (big time) that we can somehow fix our schedule because it’s really messed up. I was in the verge of going crazy when I found out that we have a full schedule this semester and when I say full I mean we have classes from 7:30 in the freaking morning until 9 o’clock in the evening. What sucks more is that I have classes every Saturday. Laugh all you want, at least I don’t have classes on Mondays! Hah!

Honestly, I am mentally and physically not prepared for this semester. Wish me luck.

2. Thoughts about 5 Seconds of Summer's concert here in Manila next year

I can still feel the adrenaline rush I felt the day they announced the date for their concert’s ticket selling. The mere fact that I almost shed tears while talking to Kate (my block mate who’s also a fan) about the sudden announcement made me realize that I’m a really emotional person because I’m crying about a freaking concert ticket. But it wasn’t just a concert ticket, IT WAS A FREAKING 5 SECONDS OF SUMMER CONCERT TICKET.  That time, we still had a week left before our term break and I still had 3 weeks left before the ticket selling. In my head I was like ‘shit how am I supposed to come up with the money for the ticket if I only have a week left of school???’ that’s the time I knew I was doomed (Universe – 1 Shauna -0). I was quite irritated with myself because a few months back my friends were already telling me to save up early, but I didn’t. Thanks for the effort though! So, I was there… sitting all alone thinking of a way to come up with the money whilst my friends are chatting about what seat they should take…. MY LIFE IS SO SAD LOL.

Here in the Philippines we have a thing called ‘pa-good shot’…

Pa-good shot /verb/ - DO GOOD SHIT IN FRONT OF YOUR PARENTS OR WHOEVER IT IS YOU NEED TO PERSUADE BECAUSE THEY WILL SAVE YOU FROM YOUR MISERY.

I went through hell just to get the ticket I have right now. I became a slave in our house and did all the chores (except doing the laundry, hello mama) my entire term break. I came up with the idea in the first place so I don’t have the right to complain that I'm tired whatsoever. Of course my sister went all out happy because I get to do the chores and she doesn’t. It was damn e-x-h-a-u-s-t-i-n-g to persuade my mom to buy me the ticket, luckily she did and I am very thankful for it!! I also kind of bribed her with the grades I worked hard for lol (always aim high grades everyone!) 

This topic gives me butterflies in my stomach. I can’t wait to watch my babies perform live on the 12th of March 2016. Save the date Filipinos!!

3. Thoughts about Argo

What can I say, this dog keeps me sane. Follow my vine for more Argo updates. I can’t believe I just did that. I’m sorry. 

4. Thoughts about Sounds Good Feels Good

“What is air???” That’s the first thing that pops up my mind when I first listened to the album in Spotify. It’s purely insane. I’m so proud of them because they show great improvement every time they bring out new music and they don’t fail to show their fans how thankful they are for all of their support. I have to tell you, when I got the full album I listened to it every single day. Right now my favorites are Catch 22, San Francisco, Waste the Night, Vapor, and Permanent Vacation. What’s yours? ;) 

5. Thoughts about Made in the A.M

Call an ambulance because this album is giving me a heart attack. There’s no reason for you not to fall in love with the songs in this album because it will give you pure bliss. Current favorites? Olivia, Never Enough, Wolves, End of the Day, History, Perfect, What a Feeling, and Temporary Fix! I can’t get enough of it ahhhhh!

6. Thoughts about my Journal 

Well the pages of my journal is almost full, so I badly need a new one. I’m stocked to write until I’m on the last page, and I’m pretty happy with the outcome of it; it looks fat and it’s heavy. I spend most of my time writing there that’s why I haven’t been posting so much here.  

7. Thoughts about this blog

I don't know if I can keep up with updating this blog especially now that I have a hectic schedule this second semester. School, oh, school. Thanks for 7.1k+ views! I really appreciate it! :) 

AVALANCHE

Eighteen thousand year old soul 

Midwest shooting star

 In the place she waits

18th BIRTHDAY SURPRISE PARTY

I remember my mom asking me a few months  before September even came on how I plan on  celebrating my eighteenth birthday (LEGALIZATION HERE WE GO). I told her to just make it simple. Simple as in celebrating it at a theme park or just eating in a buffet restaurant. 

ADVENTURES WITH ME

As I have said before (or not), books are for life! When I was in elementary I knew that books aren't for me because I hated reading back then. I used to just glance at the words in my novel book and then bam! I'll slam the book as if I finished reading it. Every year our school held book fairs so, of course me being a really fluttery kid when it comes to books (note sarcasm) I stood away from it. That's it. No books for me. Nada. It's not that I REALLY HATE IT, it's just that back then I don't get the whole point of spending your time reading a book that's going to be forgotten in the future. Don't judge me, I was a kid. I knew nothing.

LIFE IN TRANSIT

On this new episode of keeping up with Suburban Blues, I will be charting-out what I have been doing for the past weeks. Now I know that I wrote in my last blog post that I will be posting a lot of things in here considering that it's summer and there are exciting agendas that will occur, I will experience and the exciting part is I get to blog about it, but sadly there weren't much. Just last Tuesday I decided to compile all the photos I took that somehow showed what I have been doing with my (rather drudging) summer.

BUNDLED THOUGHTS

It hasn't synced in to me yet that summer already begun, until now. I can't believe I survived my first year in college, well somehow considering that I'm still waiting for my other grades to be posted. Though some days feel like hell because of the horrifying amounts of coursework, midterm exam and final exams I am still grateful for the opportunities and blessings that came to me these past semesters. 

THINGS YOU MIGHT WANT TO CONSIDER DOING THIS 2015

Focus more on yourself

Always put yourself first because you're the only one who can handle the challenges that will come through you. Try not to focus on unimportant things and start focusing more on yourself. Liking and respecting yourself helps with people liking and respecting you. Remember, that people like people who like themselves.

Save money

 Well we all know why we should save money. First, you might need money for school projects, yes you shouldn't bother asking money to your parents because you are already a grown up.. somehow. Second, there are always these ravishing clothes you see whenever you pass by clothing stores and you just want to mourn over how badly you want it. Third, you and your friends sure have get togethers and you will need some extra money because girls spend a lot of money in just minutes and last but not the least! Saving up money will SAVE YOU from wanting "the concert feels" without money you can never have it. This is the most important reason why you should do it. So save up.

Write

I think I have mentioned this to some of my blog posts (?) and friends a couple of times already, "write everything". I know some of you are in favor of speaking-out your issues or other experiences, but for me writing is much better because there are things that should be kept untold. I know you can just hide your thoughts on something by not telling it out, but you will just have a hard time so I suggest you just write it down on a paper or journal and keep it.

Explore the endless road

 It’s time to make more memories and have a lot of fun this year. Do all of things that you didn't get the chance to do for the past years. When in doubt, go out and explore. Always remember that you only live once, but be careful —okay I didn't just get that from a quote.

 

Be genuinely happy

There is no time for being sad, angry, depressed or whatever negative feeling you are feeling. Keep that frown upside down and be grateful for the things you have and for the people who are with you! 

Say yes  

For you to explore the endless road and be genuinely happy you should say YES more often, but also learn to say no. I'm not saying that you should say yes to everything in general, but only to the things that you think might be better for you. It's 2015 for god sake live a little! 

Inspire and motivate people 

Try doing this and spread out the thoughts you have to inspire and motivate people. 

What do you consider doing this 2015? Please leave it in the comments below and thank you for reading my first blog post for this new year! I never got the chance to say thank you to all of you who are reading this monotonous blog of mine for the past years, so thank you so much and have a nice day.

THE 2014 WRAP UP

So this is the only blog post I made for the month of December and I'm guilty for this. It's hard to write when there's something stopping you or there's this feeling you get that says "no you shouldn't, it's just wrong" but deep inside it's so freaking right –unless it's me writing because I'm a bona  fide sluggard. After that, you're up to a decision whether to do it or not.