Our AirAsia flight from Manila to Cebu took an hour and a half. I was excited but a bit anxious seeing it's my first ever flight journey — ok it was impeccable *squeals*. I felt that weird tightness in my ear because of the altitude change. They say it's natural and bearable, thank God it was.
Since I turned 19 last month I thought it would be nice to reflect on the past nineteen years of my life. It was one hell of a ride, here are 19 things I've learned in 19 years :)
1. It's okay to be alone. You don't have to be with your friends or be in a relationship. It's okay to enjoy your own company.
2. Always remember to DO YOU! What makes you happy is what matters. Don't let what other people say get to you.
3. You have to hit rock bottom in order to get back up and start climbing again.
4. Surround yourself with studious people. I can't believe I'm saying this, but studying is fun, when you're with the right people.
5. Stop trying to fix people. It's better not to get involved. It's not selfish, it's what's best for you.
6. Love your worst days. Just remember that even your worst days only have twenty-four hours. By the time you get over it you will just be laughing at the memory of it.
7. Save money.
8. No Guts, No Glory. Trust your instincts. Don't be afraid of failure. It's how we learn. So go out and try something new.
9. Believe, have faith, be hopeful. Believe and have faith in what you do. Be hopeful because there is always hope.
10. Praying helps. It doesn't matter what religion you are in. Just pray and give thanks for all the blessings.
11. You are never wrong to do the right thing.
12. You were given this life because you are strong enough to handle it.
13. Mom is always right.
14. Some days it seems like nothing goes right. Accept the fact that life is sometimes unfair.
15. Everything is a lesson learned so keep moving forward.
16. What you feeling right now is not permanent.
17. Unplanned escapades are the best. Let the current pull you along.
18. Avoid insecurity. We all know that insecurity is a poisonous bitch. It will ruin you and suck the life out of you. It is so much better to remove it from your life and be thankful for what you have.
19. Don't be such a Debbie Downer. Don't be that person who destroys the positive atmosphere.
Saturday, September 10, 2016
College has been so bad lately. I am constantly suffocated with work and I am stressing over all my classes meaning, I am never one bit inspired to write (even if I did have the time).
The struggle is real. It's like I've been wide awake for a year reviewing for exams, preparing reports, and writing essays. Coffee is literally running through my veins. It's no fun at all right now and it really pains me to see myself so worked up with coursework's. I know grades don't define you but damn do they make you sad. I just wish our term break could come soon!
Saturday, August 13, 2016
Feature Post Saturday, August 06, 2016
Aren’t you tired of experiencing unreciprocated love? You are living for how many years already but you are dying inside for how many times too.
Three days had past when I posted a status about unreciprocated love. On that day I felt betrayed, well, almost every day I feel that way, that is why I continued the post from the unreciprocated love statement to this: "You are living for how many years already but you are dying inside for how many times too". I am feeling bad whenever someone shows a cold approach on me. I am having self-pity and I tell myself, "I even showed a lot of concern for you! What have I done for you to treat me like that? I was never rude to you and I never treated you like you're worthless but why I am feeling like that to you? I DID EVERTHING JUST TO PLEASE YOU, can't you just return the favor?" You know what, I envied many people who have that person called as a friend whom they can talk to unhesitantly if they have problems or whom they can show their true colors, their trips, weird alter egos and their common interests. I hate to be alone, I hate the feeling of loneliness because I feel like I was swallowed wholly by a dark vortex or time vacuum and I can't free myself by being sucked. That's why I fit in into circles of friends just to fight my fear of being alone. Not just battling against loneliness, I also wanted people to be affectionate and show love towards me, but I am having a hard time getting what I want. But if you'll ask me, am I happy? The answer's NO! I am not alone, granted, but everyday I getting myself numb to the rejection. You can even hear these harsh but true words from them, "Why is he still in our group?", or when they need to eliminate one from the group, someone will say, How about him? Just joking! (But you know he/she really meant it, maybe he/she wanted not to hurt my feelings). As I became emotional questions popped out: Am I really that dumb and numb to still stay even though I don't have such to receive from them? Should I become rude and cold to them too? But that's not what God wanted! Should I go by myself and exit from the group? CAN I DO IT? Maybe I was just overthinking? Maybe I am assuming? I hope so (am I that paranoid?), because I thought it's normal for a group to encounter hardships among members, but I can't help it! Because you can notice it if that "friend" is cold only towards me. Is there something wrong in me? To reduce the tensions in my head I asked one of my dear friends (you read it right! Somehow I managed to find people I am comfortable talking with, they're several of them by the way, but I still a bestfriend material) and she enlightened my mind. She shared that in the real world nobody will care for you, it's only you who will be left out in the reality and it's up to you if you will stand up and be courageous to be on your own feet or to drown with your fears pushing you down some more. Nobody will love you more than the love you'll consume for yourself. It's a matter of self-acceptance, self-confidence and self-esteem, and all the compounded words with self- affix in it haha! That became my wake up call. For how many times I sought advices and empathy to other people but I don't/can't apply them, and for how many times I also got tired of smiling and concealing my tears and heartbreaks with laughters and joy. It's just now that I fully accepted an advice and it really moved me to change my POV. DON'T EXPECT OTHERS TO LOVE YOU IF YOU DON'T LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. How can you love others if you can't love yourself? What love are you going to give if you don't have that much amount of love in you?
Written by: Benedict Marcos
INAUGURATION DAY // OUTSIDE THE MALACAÑAN PALACE
EID'L AL-FITR // GOLDEN MOSQUE, GLOBO de ORO, QUIAPO, MANILA
These are some of the photos I took when I covered the events that happened these past few weeks -Eid'l Al-Fitr and the Inauguration Day. It wasn't hard as I expected it to be considering we had to work in pairs, though it was quite challenging because we're required to take interviews and in those two events no one liked to be interviewed. Wearing our student press I.D was mandatory and it kinda feels nice to show off (I'm sorry I had to).
During the Inauguration day I -hands down felt cynical. Security did not let us in because there were too many of us, I mean we went as a whole class. Let's just say that we made our magics work and got in -we really just used a different route to get inside. There were so many people outside the palace, more specifically the supporters. We didn't really see much except for the marching band, the president's family that humbly took pictures with us, and some senators. It was frustrating because we were just there, waiting, outside the palace and the gates were closed. FYI, it was a school day so we got a permit for us to be excused in our remaining classes.
It's my first time to encounter Eid'l Al-Fitr and to cover this event pretty much overwhelmed me. Trisha and I didn't get to attend the whole ceremony because it usually starts at dawn. Our plan was just getting so complicated we had to change it, so by the time we arrived at the Mosque the ceremony already ended and everyone was already eating. Spending one-hundred pesos for a Hijab was worth it because we got to see the inside of the Mosque (not really the inside of it). The colors of the walls were so vibrant and engaging that we had to take countless pictures in it. Eid Mubarak was greeted by everyone from the inside and outside of the Mosque. I couldn't stop myself from smiling the entire time because they're so jolly. I also admired the humbleness they showed to each other and the respect they have for the people who went that are non Muslim.
Honestly, I think this school year will be the death of me (aren't every school year?). It's just the first week and it's making me miss our now, non-existing, adjustment period. Crying and making a run for it is like an appropriate thing to do right now, but obviously it won't make things any better. I was so secluded with the chill vibe of my first and second year that I forgot how hard junior year is. And junior year is the real deal —subjects are going to be way more harder, there are loads of papers to turn in and the professors are going to be more aware of their class schedules (not that they aren't in the past). With all of the unexpected announcements about the future coursework's in every subject, my first week was somehow ordeal. The funny thing about it was it felt like a baseball machine is continuously hitting me in the face and I can't dodge it.
The only subject I attended was my math class, that's in the afternoon. It's the first day and obviously no professor would attend it (can't blame them) except for our math professor. He was... okay. He tried to make a joke out of my name, but he failed and it made the whole atmosphere awkward. Damn. I went from being one of the coy students turned wretched in the span of an hour. I mean, who likes to freaking learn math in their first day of classes! Based on his grading system, I'll be praying the rosary for the next months.
I had the guts not to attend my classes on Tuesday because some of my friends weren't going too. Of course the reason of it is because the chance of our professors not showing up is high and thought that transportation money plus our energy would just be wasted. No guts, no glory. I read all day which is freaking F.U.N. and kind of productive? Yeah you could say that. The only thing was all our professors attended their classes that day. No regrets?
I don't have classes during Wednesday's. Cue mocking voice, "SO GUESS WHAT I DID?" I read... all day long. Okay this is a perfect way of telling that I'm a boring person who does boring things on her rest day from school.
Not attending my Tuesday class backfired at me when Thursday came. Did I tell you that all my first subjects start at seven-thirty in the morning? Life is testing me. Thank you God for Wednesday though, I don't have to wake up early for five straight days. Anyway, my day started fine, well, not until my professor made us frantic of what our whole semester will be like for her subject. Just great! I had my math class in the afternoon —this day obviously sucked. I thought I won't make it until dismissal, but then I enjoyed our lesson and quite got the hang of it. Math is not that bad after all... Oh I was wishing for the day to end already. When I came home I went straight to bed because I was that exhausted from school and commuting.
My Broadcast Journalism will freaking end my life. That's for sure. This subject scares me so bad I just want the ground to eat me alive. However, there are some perks, we get to experience doing field works and stuff, but other than that making impromptu speeches is something I lack and need to work on. I got so frustrated when my next class started, we had to do group reporting's —I still hate it and that's final. Me becoming a leader to a group is not likely to happen because if I did I would freaking flip out until the day ended. I don't know I just don't want my group mates to be disappointed in me because I'm not leader material. But me flipping out didn't do anything today, Shauna was the damn leader of group four. Guess I just need to step my game then. I want to thank the dean of my college for bringing fresh faces in our department, specifically for professors. My Biology professor was legit beauty and brains plus she's young. I think she's only in her twenties? The only thing was her voice is too little I can barely hear her discussions.
What a week though, right? Even though we did not do much I can already feel the wave of stress and pressure washing over me. I just realized that when I started college all I can seem to blog about is school; how stressful it is and how it sucks so bad.
Quote for the whole semester: "For every problem that you encounter in life there is a vision of something better. Problems have a positive responsibility. Problems have a positive angle."
How was your first week back in school?
Growing up, we were total opposites. We would always argue and treat each other like shit. We never shared anything. Not until the day our life changed, the day we became closer. There's no doubt that until now we still do the things that make us hate each other ––because that's how we roll. And yet we still manage to have fun and make ourselves afloat even in worst days.
Attached below are the two poems that clearly describes me and my sister.
Hi! This is the vlog my cousin made when we went to Nasugbu, Batangas last month. I was supposed to post this the day after but I was like naaaaaah I will do it next time. So here it is! Don't forget to watch in HD.
Documented and Edited by Kate Cruz
So here I am still not over the fact that I just survived the first half of my college career. Holy crap. And it's been more than a month already. My sophomore year was one heck of a ride. Let's just say that I went a little overboard with chilling because hey, I thought I could handle it fine. Can't blame myself for being too proud and dependent —bonkers. Of course shit went down and my stubbornness backfired right at me. Classes on top of classes I made myself worry about the shitload of coursework I needed to do. I tried so hard not to freak out considering it's kind of stupid but it's just so hard not to. So, instead of sulking around and act like a total sardonic bitch I finished everything. I passed all my subjects with flying colors and I'm so proud of myself, oh my God I need an award.
If you are an incoming college sophomore student, I get what you feel, it's getting harder and harder to contain your feelings because of the shitload of responsibilities. So my only advice to you is "fuck everything and enjoy!" —okay so maybe not everything, just learn to enjoy whilst doing some work. I know it's pure bullocks but you can do it!
DISCLAIMER: These photos were taken back in FEBRUARY so don't go around thinking that I'm stupid for wearing a denim jacket when it's a hundred degrees outside. Though if you're thinking that my facial expressions are stupid, I have to agree with you on that.
Concert Tuesday, April 12, 2016
I can't believe I'm writing this a month after of the concert.
(Note: Imagine me stating the first part of this paragraph in a very calm voice then crying in the near end) I still can't breathe. I can't believe they REALLY came. After freaking five years, hello Shauna, dreams really do come true. To be honest I've tried my hardest not to do a blog post about the concert because I'm still having a hard time reminiscing what happened that day because every time I do, I get disappointed. WHY DID IT END SO SOON.
That day started off pretty normal, well, besides the fact that I stayed the night before at my block mates house because we had to do some editing for our project. I was literally excited to go home, change into my concert clothes and yet again lose my concert virginity but this time to 5SOS.
When I got home and already fixing the things I'll be bringing with me, I realized that I forgot my charger lying on top of the table at my friends house. My excitement turned to hopping mad real quick. I won't share what happened after because it's stupid. Hay Shauna and her stupid problems.
Fast forward to when we're outside the arena...
I think we arrived three hours early before the actual concert and boy the place was already packed with people. As we walked closer and closer to the arena I felt myself getting notably excited once again.
This was the moment I had been waiting for. My adrenaline went of the roof. The time had finally come that I would get to see and hear my favorite band play their song live after five years of waiting.
As we gradually made our way to our correct seat section the first sight I saw was a large arena filled with thousands of people. All the seats inside were full as well as the people in the VIP section. I found myself in a state of amazement because it wasn't until I got to my seat that I finally heard the sound of the speakers pierce my ears —that was a sweet hymn of music that I live for.
I couldn't take my eyes off the stage. Though was agonizingly too small for my liking giant speakers were all over the place and I was a hundred percent sure that I could still see them.
As the dark stage was filled with smoke and spotlights flashing through the stage, all of us yelled at the top of our lungs. When we heard the sound of a piano, it was time, the band slowly started their intro. Writing this part gives me goosebumps oh my god no. MEMORIES. PLEASE BRING ME BACK TO SOUNDS LIVE FEELS LIVE MANILA. I wish everyday is #SLFLMNL.
As the glorious concert went on, they played many of my favorites songs —Disconnected being one of them. I actually almost cried whilst singing it. Soon after I realized that I was actually standing, jumping, singing, crying, shouting stupid things and dancing at a 5SOS concert. It came to a point where I cringed because just last year I was crying for a concert ticket and now I'm with a bunch of strangers having so much fun.
The level of sound was astronomical. Every time the drum was struck I could feel the repercussion within my chest! The vibration that each music they produced felt like current passing through my body —that literally made me dance and jump like a freaking maniac.
When the final song was over and 5 Seconds of Summer was off the stage. The lights abruptly came on. Everyone started to leave the arena. I still wanted to hear more of them live, but just as they had to come out they then left in the same way.
Obviously it was an awesome experience and I hope that I can attend one again. Is it just me or do you also feel that my blog post is too calm?...
What a lovely day to wake up to! The sun is out and everyone is awake. We surely are very keen to go on a hike for hours on day three! (Note sarcasm). Okay, so we did wake up early (well...kinda) AND we ate breakfast. But to break it down to you we were not freaking inclined to climb a very high mountain. Nevertheless we had to do it for the sake of experience and of course the travel show. After taking turns in bathing, eating breakfast, packing our things, paying the rooms we had rented, took a tricycle and bus ride to Tarac blah blah blah —WE HAVE REACHED THE ENTRANCEWAY OF MOUNT TARAC!!! We were clueless. Bhea and I had to go and talk with the Barangay officials because we weren't exactly well informed on what to do. To the kindhearted young man who drove us to the Barangay, salamat Kuya! Tour guide. We needed a tour guide. Unfortunately it's not safe to go and hike alone especially if you're with your absurd barkada. Thank God someone came and volunteered before we all died of waiting. One of the officials let us leave our heavy travel bags inside their office so we're hassle free while trekking. The only things we brought with us are the important stuff we'll be using. I'm still regretting that we didn't rent a tricycle to drop us off at the REAL starting point of the trek. Damn. I can still remember my breathless self. When we reached the real starting point I already felt the chilliness of the atmosphere. So I wore my jacket, wait no, scratch that, I wore Lester's jacket —that I kindly borrowed because Francis was wearing mine. Initially the trek was going fine; we were still breathing alright and our minds were pretty much determined that we can do it. The trails were very steep, sandy, and full of rocks, huge ones. It was fun at first, but after an hour and a half of walking (more like death march), we couldn't catch our breaths. Believe me when I say that TREKKING IS NOT FUN AT ALL if you're a first timer. All I could do that time was make fun out of our sourpuss selves and laugh at it. I mean there's no point if you're going to be a total bitch about the long trek. Long story short, we made it through the freaking challenges of the damn mountain. Papaya river, finally!!! All that walking, climbing up and down made me drink all of my water so Jessie and I went to the upper part of the river to get some clean H2O. Obviously I wanted to relax my feet from all the walking we did so I removed my shoes and bask for a while. Then I went down to the lake and splashed my feet to the streaming water. Our tour guide gave us an hour and a half to finish our little assignment considering it's already getting late, we wouldn't want to go down on a dark trail. A tad advice when going on a trek: make sure to start early so you wouldn't get rushed to do anything. Though we only had a limited time up there, it was still worth it. The experience was unforgettable and diverting. Too bad we didn't get the chance to climb up Tarac Ridge because according to our tour guide the trail up there is much more harder to swarm especially to us first timers. Ahhh! One for the bucketlist! Tarac Ridge you're up next. Well that's the last of my trip to Bataan! Sorry if the blog contents suck, but the videos I made says it all. See you next timeeee!
I forgot to include in the last part of day one that we went straight to Bagac after finishing the shoot in Mt. Samat —that is once again an astounding experience. We reached Bagac at around eight in the evening and boy were we all fatigue. The good thing was there are people around the area who were suggesting that we stay at their resort, but there was this one that we felt safe in. After settling in, eating dinner and resting was the only thing on our minds. Some of my friends brought food with them so they didn't have to spend money —a little reminder for traveling: be money wise. Since I did not bring any food with me for our trip I went straight to the eatery after changing into my pj's that was just around the corner from the cottage we're staying at, I remember Bhea, Bea and Trisha coming with me to eat there because it's much more comfortable (I forgot who else came with us). Of course, Bea being the talented person she is (Bea if you're reading this, you owe me) tried the karaoke after eating dinner. Bhea and I offered to pay for the karaoke (you have to drop a five pesos coin in it per song) if she will sing the song we're going to pick for her. As expected, she agreed. It only took us two minutes to pick a song and it was hilarious! Who would have thought that Bea can take a challenge and sing an Ilocano song wholeheartedly? I remember laughing so damn hard that it made me cry and fall down to the sand while watching her sing. I'm not even exaggerating! May I remind you that we were all worn out that night, but we didn't doze off that easy. We stayed up for a few hours; had a small chat and messed around. I think I was the third one who fell into deep slumber.
Kicked off the month of February by traveling to Bataan with my college friends. And because our team settled on a decision of not to post any video or photos until after our class viewing of the final output, I personally asked our executive producer if I could make a teaser and post here just to let you know that I'm currently working on my three blog posts as to my trip –days 1, 2, and 3. She said I could and here it is! Watch it in HD. I can't wait to post more soon!
Before 2016 even occurred I was already searching for a new planner. Badly hoping to get a new one from my favorite store I felt damned because it got out of stock and it's just the first week of December! Let me tell you this, every time I go back there and try to find those freaking planners I always end up disappointed. "WHY WON'T THEY RESTOCK 2016 PLANNERS" I thought to myself. Eventually I gave up and never stood inside of that shop again. Kidding!!!
Made myself sit down and (attempt) to get shit done today. And by that, I mean create the most efficient way to do several things at the same time —I've done this before, but this time it's different because it's all coming at me like a freaking cannonball and I've been idle for the past days (oh christmas break why end so soon?)
Scratch all of that and let me talk about something else.
SOUNDS LIVE FEELS LIVE 2k16 TOUR
I don't remember posting about this in my previous blog posts so here it goes. Crap! In less than two months my favorite band's concert is finally going to befall. I swear to God every time I check my countdown app I start hyperventilating. Yeah, it's pathetic, but heck I feel so emotional about it. 57 more days to go! I will be attending it with Ally (omg feels) and were seat mates. Holy crap. I can already imagine what's going to happen when they play Disconnected I want to cry.
T.V PRODUCTION FINAL PROJECT
I can't put into words what I'm feeling right now because I'm that damn excited!!! Okay, so our professor in this subject is REALLY cool. The final project she gave us for this semester is a freaking travel show. Hello exciting much??? What's great about it is she let us group with our "squad" (yes she literally said squad). She also gave the destinations we should only go to —Bataan, Batangas, NCR, Zambales.
Guess where our squad is going? Bataan!
Our plan for the (thrilling) expedition is not yet legit since we just barely started on research about the place and we're still bickering on some stuff, but like its planned we should have our itinerary by next week. Gosh, I feel so worked out because of excitement.
What's with the hiatus? Again.
There's nothing to blog about. As you can see, I have reverted my previous blog posts into drafts —I don't have a legit reason why. School works dragged me all the way down (nothing new). I finally filled up the last pages of my red journal November last year and bought a new one (it's brown one lol). Writing my heart out in my new journal is what's keeping out from blogging actually and my same old lazy ass self.